16 years, weird huh? i find it odd that i am writing this to you now... you haven't crossed my mind in ages. i sometimes wonder if you're doing well, or if you're even alive. i remember you being daring... and also remembering that it couldn't be safe. i only wish that i could know if you'll get this or not. i still have your number, or at least from the last time we spoke. i hope you live in the same house... something tells me you couldn't bring yourself to change.
i am married now, he's great, my husband. we have two children together, and i love them with each breath that i take. i remember that you always wanted kids, always wanting to be a dad... i'm sure you turned out to be a great one, i'm sure they love you as much as you deserve. and hell, your wife, she must be an amazing woman... you know, you always did deserve the best.
i'm sorry that i couldn't give you that, i'm sorry that i couldn't fix things between us... and a friendship was only a few words away. it makes me laugh to think how many times i've written this letter in my head, and i'm only just now putting it down on paper, and finally, finally sending to you. you know, they say that the first love never dies, that somewhere in the back of the mind you will store them away forever, but always remember them... sometime... they will always be remembered.
i remember thinking that you weren't my first love, that he, before you knew my love, and i knew his.... but that's all i knew. i didn't know the absolute bond that two humans can have, that feeling of unity, until i met you... until i fell in love with you. body and soul. i find it hard, even now, to think about the moments between us... i find it hard to know that i still love you... even more so than i love my own husband. the father to my children, the man who i confessed my soul to... and married, months later.
i don't understand myself, or my late confession of words, but i just need to write you, need to feel like somewhere you are fine, and that you had the life you always dreamed of. i know our rightful places are where they have led us today, but i can't help but constantly wonder "what if?" ... my heart can only wonder so much... because after so long... you start to forget why it even happened in the first place.
our love could have moved mountains...